Take me on a tiki tour in the wop wops. Drive me wild as we reach the middle of nowhere. As a woman who has plenty of delicious hot jelly to offer, I deserve a man who has the amazing talent to keep me wild and warm.

This granny right here doesn't give a fuck about physical appearance. I like men who can make my mind go wild. Someone who will not only make me wet but can also make me question things.

I can't stand it when people don’t give their best. I don’t care if you’re not good at something, that’s fine as far as I’m concerned. All I care about is this: are you giving your best effort? If so, you'll always be cool with me.

I appreciate men who are gentle enough to help me even when I'm not asking for it. Let me make today an exception. I'm in dire need of help right now. I need release....badly. Help me?

I'm so sad right now that I'd like to wake up finding messages like "Good morning honey" and not to "Virus Alert! Time to clean your Mac!"

Here is your perfect opportunity to get to know a woman who's hilarious, independent, passionate and completely open. If you like what you've read then hit me up!